


I loved you.

by puddingismypatronus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Be nice to me, I don't know why I wrote this, M/M, Snivius, it's like the first thing i've wrote in years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 12:16:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19768015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puddingismypatronus/pseuds/puddingismypatronus
Summary: Severus had been avoiding Sirius for weeks. Finally, he caught up with Severus to figure out what exactly had been going on.





	I loved you.

“Don't speak.” 

The hushed words were murmured in his ear, so quiet they could hardly be considered a whisper. The slender fingers clasped over his mouth pushed against his lips more firmly as Sirius parted them, ready to argue. 

Fucking Slytherins. 

In the dim light of the corridor, a pair of two other teens robed in silver and green walked in unison, their black shoes clacking against the floors. They were talking so quietly, that if Sirius strained his ears, he could make out mundane words like homework, and classes. It felt like an eternity until their footsteps faded away, and they disappeared into only what the seventeen year old could imagine was the Slytherin common rooms. 

Still, the two were locked in a tense embrace, Severus Snape's arm wrapped around him, his hand over Sirius's mouth, and the other gripping at Sirius's wrist, as if to keep him from leaving. 

It took another moment until his grip loosened, his fingers let Sirius's lips free. 

“What the bloody hell was that---” 

“Shhh.” Severus said sternly, “Not here. For God's sake, be quiet.” He practically hissed as he turned and began to slip away, expecting Sirius to follow. 

It was almost if he were a ghost, his steps were so light. With a flash of curiosity, and slight annoyance, Sirius followed. 

It was only when they had gotten a substantial way away from the Slytherin's commons, and into one of the few unpatrolled halls that Severus stopped, and pushed himself back towards a dark spot of the wall. He crossed his arms and furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you think you're doing wandering down there for?” 

It was almost accusatory, as if Sirius had some nefarious plans to ransack the common rooms for all they had. Honestly, it didn't sound like a bad idea, most of the blokes there had substantial wealth, and he was sure he could find something worth snatching. 

“I was looking for you,” Sirius finally said as he crossed his arms, “You've been avoiding me. I've sent you three owls, and you haven't wrote back, I've tried to catch you in the halls. I've asked you to meet me twice, and you didn't show up. I figured if I staked out the common rooms long enough, you'd appear.” 

Their affair had been...a quiet one. After all, what would James think if Sirius had been snogging the very bane of his best friend's existence? Sirius, himself, wasn't even sure what he thought about the whole thing. It wasn't his fault that those thin shallow lips were perfect for kissing, and that Severus, while still a bit scrawny, had filled out in the past year. 

Had it been romance? A fling? After all, they had never defined what they were. They would simply meet up in the dark of the night, throw in some passion, some quiet conversation, and then part ways. 

The fact Severus hadn't replied had filled Sirius was an aching in his chest, and a sort of longing he couldn't describe. 

“I've been busy.” Those shallow thin lips were pulled into a tight line. It was almost like Severus was a teacher, and he was lecturing Sirius, “I don't have time to be sneaking off into the middle of the night for a quick shag.” 

Ow. Okay. 

“A quick shag? Is that all this is?” Sirius gestured between the two, his tone giving away that he was hurt. More than he wanted it to, at least. 

That poker face was stone cold, and Severus shrugged, “I'm human. I have needs. You fulfilled them. That's all this was. I have no use for you now, so why entertain it any longer?” 

It was difficult to hold in his emotions. Sirius felt his hands ball up in the pockets of his robes, “But--”

Severus interrupted, “But, what? You thought this was something special? You thought I liked you?” He sneered, “Listen, Black. You were just a way to pass time. You don't need to be snooping around the Slytherin common rooms, as it could have been someone other than me who found you wandering around. Your lot isn't welcome down there.” With a flourish, he started to walk away. 

Of course, Sirius couldn't just let him leave. He grabbed Severus's wrist, ignoring the wince that crossed Severus's face, “Sev--”

“Let. Go. Black.”

He twisted his arm, pulling Severus back to look at him. Fury was visible on his face, “You're telling me that all of this, all of it meant nothing to you?” 

“Yes.” There was a glint, a mere hint of regret in his dark eyes, still Severus held his ground. He pulled his arm away, the sleeve pushing up just enough to show...something on his forearm.

Sirius stared for a moment, grabbing his arm again, “What's that?” He asked, shoving the sleeve up before Severus could get out a word. 

A skull with a serpent twisting around and through the skull. It seemed to ripple against the all too pale skin. It was new, fresh on the skin, a slight reddish outline of irritation showed that it could not have been there too long. 

Time stood still.

“Severus,” Sirius asked again, his voice hushed as he stared at the mark, his fingers dinging into Severus's skin, “Is this...” 

He didn't dare speak, the words were caught in his throat and would choke them before they made their way out into the world. Severus stared at it as well, almost like he couldn't believe it was there. 

“You can't...Sev, love-”

“Don't call me that.” He finally yanked his arm around, and fixed his robe, “I don't have to explain anything to you. You cannot tell me what to do. My life is my own to do with, and align myself with what I need or want to do.” 

“You want to serve him?” He asked, flabbergasted, “Is this why you haven't had anything to do with me? What are you thinking? You're going to get yourself killed!” Sirius's mind was racing, his heart was sinking and bobbing from his stomach to his chest. 

Severus looked like a deer in headlight, and then his poker face came back, “I know what I'm doing. You don't know what it's like-” 

“This is bullshit.” He pushed Severus back against the wall, using his body to keep him there, his eyes furrowed as he gripped one wrist, holding him back. “You can't—How do you unsign? Undo this? You're gonna die, or at least, be sentenced to life in Azkaban if you don't.”Sirius was almost nose to long-hooked nose with the other boy, so concerned, so upset. So devastated. 

“We can't do this. We aren't-- We can't be together anymore. I can't see you. I can't kiss you. I can't love you. I know what you stand for. I know what I stand for. We're two different people. My friends--” Severus tried to speak, he tried to keep his tone strong. He knew what he was doing. 

Didn't he? 

“They aren't your friends. You stand for killing innocent people? Torturing muggle-borns?” 

Severus averted his eyes. 

“What about Lily?” 

His eyes flashed, “Lily doesn't mean anything to me. She just another---” 

“Don't you say it. Don't you fucking dare.” 

Silence. Sirius pulled back, “You're not the man I thought you were.” He said quietly, “I love you. I loved you.”

“You obviously didn't know me.” 

It felt like the world came crushing down around Sirius. The words stung more than he ever thought they could, “How do you undo it? Sev, you can't-- They'll – I've heard - “ 

“Black, I don't have to explain anything to you.” He repeated, his tone going almost monotone as he stepped back. “I understand I disappointed you, but we were nothing. We meant nothing, and we never would. You're a Gryffindor, friends with that hideous Potter, and I'm a Slytherin. I know who will win out in the end of this, and I know what side I want to be on.” 

“Severus-”

“It's late, Sirius. We have classes tomorrow. Your friends will be worried about where you are.” Severus said quietly, taking a step back. “We all have to make choices. This is going to get bad. You need to pick correctly, You know what side your parents are on. They would be proud. I could help you hide it, I could-”

Smack.

The sound seemed to dance around the empty hall they had found themselves in, and Severus felt tears come to his eyes quicker than he could realize that Sirius Black had actually smacked him, “How dare you.” The anger was immediate, and his hand was on his wand and pointing it at his former lover. 

“Don't you ever, ever suggest I align with my fuckin' parents, Snape.” He hissed, his fists were balled up, and he had gone back further, “I should've known. Remus warned me about you...I thought you were different. I loved you.” His entire body was shaking, and before Severus could get out another word, Sirius was running down the hall.

There was such a bad taste in his mouth, it took a second for him to realize it was blood from biting the inside of his cheek. Severus took a moment.

He was so scared. 

It was what he had to do. A deep breath.

He turned away, to walk to his common rooms, where he knew that he had ultimately picked the right side. (Or, had he?)


End file.
